Harsh Reality
by WriterChic6
Summary: "Yeah i know you care." Levi is devastated with the death of his squad and Hanji's never seen him upset like this before, but she's there for him nonetheless. Based around Ellie Goulding's song "I know you care" (lyrics belong to ellie goulding and respected record label.)


**_Harsh Reality_**

Lyrics from "I know You Care" by Ellie Goulding.

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Attack on Titan characters belong to rightful owners and "I Know You Care" lyrics belong to Ellie Goulding and respected recording label. This is a work of fiction and not used for any type of profit.**

**A/N: Sorry, i posted this on tumblr last week and forgot to post it here. chapter 2 of obligatory vow will be posted soon. i had to rewrite the plot.**

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Cold, heartless, uncaring these were the things that most used to describe Corporal Levi. The younger cadets saw him as the Captain that never cared about the deaths of comrades and expressed no human emotion. What did they know? The harsh reality of the Recon Corps was no place for those things. Deaths happened more often than not and emotions could not be in the way in this death battle with titans. You wouldn't survive if you did.

_I know you care._

Then why did he feel this way? Levi had seen plenty of death with his 20 years in the Corps, plenty loss and regret and learning to push all those feelings aside. But this…he had almost begun to believe it would never be them. His squad was too good for those bulbous titans. She was too good for them…

Frowning, Levi slammed his office door running a hand down his tired face. Even with all his experience this felt like fresh wounds, parts of himself ripped away and bleeding. They were his loyal team; protecting and working with each other perfectly. His hand picked best. Gone.

_Like a last breath you would breathe._

_You were like home to me._

"Damn it." He cursed lowly "_Damn it_." Levi slammed his hands on the desk before him causing papers to fly up like feather and settle around the room.

With a shuddering sigh he sank into the chair by his bookshelf holding his head in his hands. It was his fault. Something deep in his gut had told him not to let his squad go alone. He knew they were easily capable of defeating titans. But he had mad a decision to follow orders. He had made a decision and this was the improbable outcome. His elite team's able bodies dangling or smashed grotesquely against trees flashing fresh in his mind.

_Please don't close your eyes._

_Don't know where to look without them._

Grimacing, he took his decanter off the shelf, pouring himself a glass. The usual burning of the liquor was dull in his mouth. Levi drank glass after glass, the alcohol having little effect. He cursed his ability to hold liquor well. He wanted something, anything to stop this feeling.

Levi threw the glass down exasperated and unmoving as it shattered.

Fallen comrades was nothing new, but hearing the words of Petra's father replaying over and over again ruined him. He didn't have the heart to tell the man his daughter was dead, let alone use the stupid excuse that she was missing in action. Petra was the only female member of his team and had proved herself to be exceptional. They all had. He knew she had feelings for him, especially with the way she kept all the boys inline but still seemed to sport a light blush. Yes, he had admired her (as a soldier of course) and probably more protective over than her should be but he couldn't bring himself to say he felt romantically for her. Yet, knowing his strong Petra has loved him, so much so that she intended to marry him, hurt. Now, she'd never fulfill any dreams of marriage and happiness.

Finally, Levi noticed a presence in the room. He peeked out behind his stringy bangs to see a yellow shirt and the usual military uniform. _Hanji_

"Levi?" She asked carefully as she began to sink to his level. Hanji had never seen him or his office in such disarray. Papers were everywhere and broke glass was littered around his seat. Levi had never in his life shown such emotion around her. She was shocked he hadn't lashed out at her, by the looks of the room around them.

_Hanji._ He wanted to tell her to get out, to leave him alone. But his mouth wouldn't say anything. His lips were unmoving as she kneelt before him, glass shards cutting in her knees. There were suddenly hands on his face; Hanji's calloused palms lifting his head to look at him.

The look he gave shocked her. His dark eyes were glazed over and skin a sickly pale. She then noted the sharp smell of alcohol coming off him. He watched as her expression softened. He grimamced, it seemed like a pitying look to him.

"Don't pity me, Hanji." His tired voice taking on some of its usual bite.

Even with his dismissing words, she didn't move. Her soft brown eyes studied his face as her thumb stroked his cheek. "Levi…"

The woman had always been there. One of the first people he met when training. Her bubbly personality pairing with her brilliance made her graduate top of her class. But she was always there. Thoughing it out and never too far away. The four-eyes was still bugging him to this day, closer to him now than all those years ago.

He switched his gaze downward as he saw her eyes take on a worried expression. Suddenly he found his arm wrapping themselves around her torso, pressing his ear to her chest.

A soild heat beat, steadily pumping blood through her warm, alive body. His bloodied, eccentric researcher, alive and in his arms.

"Oh, Levi." The woman returned the hug, holding him as she pressed her nose onto the crown of his head. Even though Hanji was close to her own squad, with as much time as she spent with Levi, the specoal ops team had become her friends. Petra had been one of her few close friends, certainly her only female one.

In her time in the Corps, she'd lost comrades too, but Levi had never been in such a state before. He didn't trust easily and certainly didn't let anyone get close enough to be considered friends or anything more. Their deaths must've been a knife a to the heart to him. Proof that he's let someone get close. The first time she'd lost comrades, in her teary eyed state, he came to her, his impassive face softened and he told her his one rule: _"Never be attached to someone you may lose."_

Over the years, she couldn't say she'd followed that rule well. Her squad members were some of her closest friends, Levi being even closer. Huh, he hadn't followed that rule well either.

Suddenly, he tensed up, pulling away from her. Levi kept his head down, arms braced on his legs. He had gotten too close this time. He broke his own rule.

"Get out Hanji." He said gruffly.

"What?"

"I said. Get. Out."

Stunned, Hanji held her ground nonetheless. "No."

Rivalle lifted his head to watch her.

"I said no." she answered. "I'm not leaving. Not until I know you'll be okay." An understanding smiled curved onto her lips. "What a damaged pair we are Levi. It's okay to have feelings. It's okay to be upset and to care alright? It's impossible to not feel anything. No matter how hard you try, you'll feel it. So stop acting like you don't. Okay?"

_Yeah, I know you care. I see it in the way that you stare._

_But there was trouble ahead, and you knew it._

_You are just saving yourself when you hide it._

Her chocolate eyes stared into his. Their brightness only dulled by the collection of tears beginning to fall. Drops like diamonds rolling down her cheeks. "You can't just shut people out. Acting you don't care."

_Crying doesn't suit you Hanji._ He followed the little trails with his own burning eyes.

"Don't cry Hanji." His voice quiet.

_I know you care._

_Yeah I know you care._

"Then don't you cry either."

Levihan & petra

Lyrics from "I know You Care" by Ellie Goulding.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Attack on Titan characters belong to rightful owners and "I Know You Care" lyrics belong to Ellie Goulding and respected recording label. This is a work of fiction and not used for any type of profit.

Cold, heartless, uncaring these were the things that most used to describe Corporal Levi. The younger cadets saw him as the Captain that never cared about the deaths of comrades and expressed no human emotion. What did they know? The harsh reality of the Recon Corps was no place for those things. Deaths happened more often than not and emotions could not be in the way in this death battle with titans. You wouldn't survive if you did.

_I know you care._

Then why did he feel this way? Levi had seen plenty of death with his 20 years in the Corps, plenty loss and regret and learning to push all those feelings aside. But this…he had almost begun to believe it would never be them. His squad was too good for those bulbous titans. She was too good for them…

Frowning, Levi slammed his office door running a hand down his tired face. Even with all his experience this felt like fresh wounds, parts of himself ripped away and bleeding. They were his loyal team; protecting and working with each other perfectly. His hand picked best. Gone.

_Like a last breath you would breathe._

_You were like home to me._

"Damn it." He cursed lowly "_Damn it_." Levi slammed his hands on the desk before him causing papers to fly up like feather and settle around the room.

With a shuddering sigh he sank into the chair by his bookshelf holding his head in his hands. It was his fault. Something deep in his gut had told him not to let his squad go alone. He knew they were easily capable of defeating titans. But he had mad a decision to follow orders. He had made a decision and this was the improbable outcome. His elite team's able bodies dangling or smashed grotesquely against trees flashing fresh in his mind.

_Please don't close your eyes._

_Don't know where to look without them._

Grimacing, he took his decanter off the shelf, pouring himself a glass. The usual burning of the liquor was dull in his mouth. Levi drank glass after glass, the alcohol having little effect. He cursed his ability to hold liquor well. He wanted something, anything to stop this feeling.

Levi threw the glass down exasperated and unmoving as it shattered.

Fallen comrades was nothing new, but hearing the words of Petra's father replaying over and over again ruined him. He didn't have the heart to tell the man his daughter was dead, let alone use the stupid excuse that she was missing in action. Petra was the only female member of his team and had proved herself to be exceptional. They all had. He knew she had feelings for him, especially with the way she kept all the boys in line but she still seemed to sport a light blush whenever she was around him. Yes, he had admired her (as a soldier of course) and probably was more protective over than her should be, but he couldn't bring himself to say he felt romantically for her. Yet, knowing his strong Petra has loved him, so much so that she intended to marry him, hurt. Now, she'd never fulfill any dreams of marriage and happiness.

Finally, Levi noticed a presence in the room. He peeked out behind his stringy bangs to see a yellow shirt and the usual military uniform. _Hanji_

"Levi?" She asked carefully as she began to sink to his level. Hanji had never seen him or his office in such disarray. Papers were everywhere and broken glass was littered around his seat. Levi had never in his life shown such emotion around her. She was shocked he hadn't lashed out at her, by the looks of the room around them.

_Hanji._ He wanted to tell her to get out, to leave him alone. But his mouth wouldn't say anything. His lips were unmoving as she kneelt before him, glass shards cutting into her knees. There were suddenly hands on his face; Hanji's calloused palms lifting his head to look at him.

The look he gave shocked her. His dark eyes were glazed over, his skin a sickly pale. She then noted the sharp smell of alcohol coming off him. He watched as her expression softened. He grimamced, it seemed like a pitying look to him.

"Don't pity me, Hanji." His tired voice taking on some of its usual bite.

Even with his dismissing words, she didn't move. Her soft brown eyes studied his face as her thumb stroked his cheek. "Levi…"

The woman had always been there. One of the first people he met when training. Her bubbly personality pairing with her brilliance made her graduate top of her class. But she was always there. Thoughing it out and never too far away. The four-eyes was still bugging him to this day, closer to him now than all those years ago.

He switched his gaze downward as he saw her eyes take on a worried expression. Suddenly he found his arm wrapping themselves around her torso, pressing his ear to her chest.

A soild heart beat, steadily pumping blood through her warm, alive body. His bloodied, eccentric researcher, alive and in his arms.

"Oh, Levi." The woman returned the hug, holding him as she pressed her nose onto the crown of his head. Even though Hanji was close to her own squad, with as much time as she spent with Levi, the special ops team had become her friends. Petra had been one of her few close friends, certainly her only female one.

In her time in the Corps, she'd lost comrades too, but Levi had never been in such a state before. He didn't trust easily and certainly didn't let anyone get close enough to be considered friends or anything more. Their deaths must've been a knife a to the heart to him. Proof that he's let someone get close. The first time she'd lost comrades, in her teary eyed state, he came to her, his impassive face softened and he told her his one rule: _"Never be attached to someone you may lose."_

Over the years, she couldn't say she'd followed that rule well. Her squad members were some of her closest friends, Levi being even closer. Huh, he hadn't followed that rule well either.

Suddenly, he tensed up, pulling away from her. Levi kept his head down, arms braced on his legs. He had gotten too close this time. He broke his own rule.

"Get out Hanji." He said gruffly.

"What?"

"I said. Get. Out."

Even though it surprised her, Hanji held her ground nonetheless. "No."

Rivalle lifted his head to watch her.

"I said no." she answered. "I'm not leaving. Not until I know you'll be okay." An understanding smiled curved onto her lips. "What a damaged pair we are Levi. It's okay to have feelings. It's okay to be upset and to care alright? It's impossible to not feel anything. No matter how hard you try, you'll feel it. So stop acting like you don't. Okay?"

_Yeah, I know you care. I see it in the way that you stare._

_But there was trouble ahead, and you knew it._

_You are just saving yourself when you hide it._

Her chocolate eyes stared into his. Their brightness only dulled by the collection of tears beginning to fall. Drops like diamonds rolling down her cheeks. "You can't just shut people out. Acting you don't care."

_Crying doesn't suit you Hanji._ He followed the little trails with his own burning eyes.

"Don't cry Hanji." His voice quiet.

_I know you care._

_Yeah I know you care._

"Then don't you cry either."

_I know it's always been there_


End file.
